one hundred? two hundred??

what would it be worth to you to realize that the happiest place and time in the world might just be right here, right now?

i forgot to mention

Does it seem to anyone else that things are speeding up, getting worse, or somehow coming to a climax lateely? or is it just me and _all_ my acquianintances?

oops

because it's finals week. i'm so stressed i haven't got time to get unstressesd. anyway, not much mentaal exploration for now but let me leave you with thise: i've never tried any kind of psychedelics before. But i'm going to soon. Don't really know when, as my friend (who has it) has also been so busy lateely that we haven't had time to set up a 'set ans setting' like you're supposed to. You know.

So, once we get it all together, hopefully i'll have something interesting to tell you. A different kind of (flavor) of mental exploration. I'll be looking forward to it.

But for now, i've got a paper due friday.

not a long one today

Live. Or create art. Pick one.

You can either have an experience or write about it. You can't do both. Deciding to write (this goes for art, too), thinking about what you're going to write, the physical act of writing, these things all changes the experience you're having.. into one you're recording. For posterity. And it's just not the same as if you'd thrwn your whole attention into the experience, instead of writing it down.

It's like Heisenberg's uncertainty principle.

So- that means you have to either remember well, or choose.

i been robbed

really. The fuckers took my video game systems. could've been a lot worse i guess. could've taken my computer, on which a lot of work is stored. What really bugs me is that people with malevolent intentions were in my room.

in my room.

fuckers.

So. There won't be any imagination-exploring for awhile, as i gotta get rid of the Elixir. If i'm gonna bring cops into the house and show them what was stolen, that is.

What i hate is when you think you got things under control, something comes in from outside and makes you change. And then you feel like a kid again, just powerless and subject to the arbitrary whims of mysterious big people. The bad part of being a kid. Remember that? i do.

Some Christian Likes you

eek.

so hey been awhile. Been busy. Nice to be back, even for a little while.

Lot of stuff to do lately. I'ts kind of hard tp be creative when you've got so many things to think about. pressing on yoyur attention. So i enjoy these times. it's like forgetting. it's nice to forget, sometimes.

Feels like everything is gonna be all right.

lotta stuff to think about but if i concentrate i can do everything i need to do. put everything in its right order and then just do what has to be done. what's right. okay,i'm rambling now.

oh yeah. arnold schvartzenegger is our governor. surreal, huh?

Glucose on a biscuit

okay so hwere it is

it's very creative sometimes. the quality of the experience i mean. Generative. generative creatively, generative in a making something way. do you understand?

Like now.

an observation from the normal state

one thing i've noticed is that there seems to be a pulse to the experience. A sort of rhythm. i see it in terms of opposites. Like an oscillation between two poles. I'll get a crashing wave of happiness, a sense that all's right with the world and things are going great, and then a little later that certain sinking feeling will come up. And it goes on like that, from one to the other, for the duration of the experience. i remember this happening from the very first times i did it. It's more noticeable if i'm alone. Then i can concentrate more on my inner mental state. Other people are a distraction. Other people are more fun, though. The nature of the experience depends on your surroundings. Set and setting, as they say.

Maybe this is something specific to me, but you know, this journal is about me and trying to make sense of my experiences of different mental states.

its funny,

this time it just clicked off like a switch. All of a sudden, i thought 'well, better get to doing What I Have To Do'. And i'm into the post-prandial grogginess.

funny.

okay it's realtime now

what was it? t almost slipped my mind.
oh yeah

I think of it as kind of like a mental lubricant.

See, i gotta come up with something for a school project. i have no idea what to do! What'll i do? Oh, it's gotta be a performance art piece. Performance art. What'll i do?!

myabe ill think of something.....

oh! i haven't even installed Flash. i got it last week and i havnet even loaded up my old movuie! so much to do...

and so he did

Okay, it's been awhile. Weblog.Yeah.

Guerre de los Sexos!

***
I totally understand how the system perpetuates itself, man! See, the system requires fear of violence so people will crave the safety of authority, man? so how those in charge, it's in their best interests to let the people be bullied, be intimidated, so that they will grow up afraid. So they'll feel authority is necessary once theyve grown up. That's how thwe system works, man. Whaddaya think??

tendrils of causality

i feel the tendrils of causality speeding back ansd forth through time. All the potentialselves, and all the ones that are no more. feeling all outcomes, all outcomes all outcomes at once. before you know it, there you are.

Caribou Strewn equals Picabo Sttreet.

Sluggabooty!
Sluggabooty!
Sluggabooty!

the importance of the chewy and sweet

We underestimate the importance of the chewy and sweet sometimes in out all-out search for the crunchy, the savory, the salty, the melting-cheese-y. MMMmm imamking myself hungry. Remnenmber, the chewy and dweest.

I find my tounge swelling, my mind expanding...my spit getting larger in my mouthr. it's all bunched up in there.What images should imake? Wow.

im communicating across time, back therough the years to when my father knew this, and his father. Are there people in teh world who have never done this? to ggggggo through your entiere life without doingit, it's like going to your grave withouhgt having had sex. It;s like you didn't get it, you didn't get the poit...of it all.

wow

always remember to save

remenmber to save. press the save button at the top of the document window. god i hate working in offices. its so un-real, everything has to be trucked in, the air, thje water, everythinsg. pPeople come in, product comes out. that's a good one. remenber that and look at it when im'm not stoned and tell me if that makes sense.

It's like i'm talking to another person but the person is ame another me. We're having a conversation.
It's amazing....

So i'm glad im not in an office anymore. there, that dates this document.

it's like i'm communicating with myself.

i can't even work a website.

but... damn! phone.

my life seems so comlplicated, it seems like it belongs to someone else. maybe that's the good part is getting away. maybe.

wow.

it's like...

rediscoverring everthing anew for the very f1rst time...the frequency of everyday actions, the alienness of it...the order of it, the million decisions-in-a-second-type-of -feekling.00


wow

its good
you see how complicated things are like thise, even the little thinngks are filled with- attributes, i guess. it seemds like another voice talking but it's really just a voice inside of yoiu. youcanssee the real you-ness of it. it's you.

ihear sounds so acutely.So full of love, so full of pleasure.

Oom oom pitt
tupittapittu

Oom oom pitt
Tup tapittapittu

"the funky drummer"

rhythm

Knutman Congra Bangs, Knutman Congra Bangs,
Knutman
Knut
Knut
Knutman, Knutman Congra Bangs.


Why is that soweird? But it is.

resonance

Resonence. RESONENCE. It's that important. It's the foundation of all things.
Everytime i do this it grips me like that arm of a skateboard. This fiendish resonance. Clear? Get it? Like food, like need, like the naked hormonal desire to do... whatever you can get away with.
Let's talk aabout need.

when have we enabled

When have we enabled the speed of thought? When do we use it? I want to feel everythink. I'm thirsty, greedy for sensation, stimulus for teh brain, not really for my body. I think the brain is moving so fast, spinning inplace like a car revving its engine in neutral. I think that uses uip so many calories that you get hungry. For food I mean. I'm hungry for sensation. My senses crave what they're programmed to get. It's as naturalsas can be. I wan t it. let's go do it.
hungry for sensation
hungrey.

What this realization means

What this realization means is that we can finally be free. Free from intolerance, free from... religion. We don't have to think about another life-and throw away this one.I don't tknow what hits me more- the sign of the fututre or the mark of the re-enablement of .....Mephisto. What that means, and the saying of that word means is... ultimately... nothing.When we finally know what we know and all there is to know, then, what will there be? To send a message is not to be the message. You are the message. Which means you are the meduim, because you are that too. A neat equation equals out. Formula.
This is taking forever to type out in just one minute. But it's taking forever.
Meat particles, i've decided is going to be the theme to ty this whole thing togethter. Meat particles is what I'm thinking but It'll be hard to translate this into meat participles. Haha.

Oldest come first. ill let you know when it's now.

Realize that we are a slumgullion of meat particles, an aerial circus of pirouetting, pinwheeling p-p-particles that make up the human body as we know it.The fact that I realized that fact makess it cleatr that we arrent what we tormally take ourselves to be.
The meat particles
the meat particcles.

meat particles

here we go.

So here it is. A new thing. Don't know if anything will come of it but here we go anyway.